sigh.

I feel like blogging now. Firstly I have to thanks all my friends who were there for me. When I cried so uncontrollably.

Yesterday was really bad. Its diaster.

Went to school. On my way walking to the bus-stop saw HIS* mommy's car. She even wave at me to get up the car but I din want. I will feel uncomfortable. Meet cy took cab to school, as I was holding the cake. Nothing to elibrate futher more in the cab. Nothing much happen just that Im still crying. My eyes look damn swollen lo. due to all the sobbing the night before.



Reached school,Brought the teachers' day cake for one of the canteen stall holders and asked them to help us keep it. On da way,I think I saw HIM* Im trying to walk faster. Is not that I want to avoid. nvm. saw zijie and started crying again. Yuling saw the cuts, think she never ever thought I would do that also. Saw her worries and those goanna dropping out tears. I feel sad also. Everyone came asking me what happen.Yuling brought me to the toilet and started taking out the cotton wool and washed my cuts. Its damn pain, but never compared to da pain in my heart. Never forget to mention, Priscilla helped to wash it too.=)




Changed in the toilet, while zijie and yuling kept telling me not to cut anymore and consoling me. I went into the cubicle and i think I started crying again. After all, went to parade square to prepared for the line-dance. Well the fan fan thingy, I think I was damn lost. Then zijie suggested going to dance with the sec 3s. we went and its again. I saw HIM* again just right infront of me. Nevermind I was so hyper that time. Forgotten. Somemore mrs yong expression can make me laugh like mad. hum-hahas`. Went to the canteen collected the cake and bring it up the classroom. Guessed mrs yong saw it. bla. She acted as if she din saw it. then we called wu lao shi in and celebrated. I suggested we should sing the english and chinese version of happy teachers' day song. lols. was happy then. after chinese lesson went outside took pictures with wu lao shi.



Then I think me and zijie went to drink water-cooler, when we came back it was then that I saw HIM* again. Just walking pass him again. Went back to classroom sat on my table, thinking back and keep looking back into the message he sent me last night. starte looking out of the window, crying again and zijie came hugging me and even cried louder. so embrassing with jinghao and joel ng there. Then washed my face, went for the concert in hall. well this year concert is wonderful can. Band did very well. *claps claps* humm-hahahhas.



Then after concert, went back to class to get my bags then started getting so upset and told zijie that I wants to go home myself. Its again when I reached mrt station and saw him again. I purposely missed the train before to see HIM*? I dont know why am I doing this also.

He asked whether am I okay. I nodded but obviously I wasnt. sigh. Spechless for the whole journey. Reached home on the computer and started crying again. This time is really bad. No-one by my side. My sista reached home and asked me what happen but I told her nothing. The doorbell rang and saw choon yan zijie qiuyi cheryl. Was quite shocked though, its a sweet surprise. =) They said they were worried that I will do anything again. Funny la. lols. On The Eyes2 for them, while I started sleeping on the floor. woke up cried again.



Sometimes I think you might think that I dont understand you? thats what i think. I thought it was due to the lack of communication, communication as in communicating our inner-sides. I think my cries makes you thiink youre the one making me to suffer so much. I think you felt very stressed out? Sometimes I cried not because of you which is very true. I have werid character, something that happened long ago I would think back and cried again. I mean, I dont know how to put into words. Im so sensitive, get so jealous easily and I know it happens so many times. Till you cant take it anymore. Im always giving you so much stress. I think when I cried is just because I wanted to get some attention from you? I dont know nowadays Im just like a attention seeker. I could have been better. but I never, I always wished you could told me how you feel when I do anything. But I undertsand from you that telling others might be better. I really love you for who you are. You always asked why I love you. I dont know how to answer it, because I love you for everything. I thought loving a person should be having no reasons? thats called true love. I just have the feeling for you the very very special feeling for you. The feeling that tells me it will never go away. Cause I love you from the deep of my heart.


Asking for a tempo break why dont you say you just need to cool down and avoid eachother for maybe just a couple of days or a week? It makes me think that you dont intend to patch anymore. But my stupid intuition told me that you have stop loving me. =((Your actions and reactions tells me that. Im sorry for giving you so many stress the past few months. Maybe you thought that will be the best way to let go. But i really look forward for a patch, during this period I promised I will have to change alot for me to change. Not only for YOU* but also for myself. No matter how tough it is, Im going through it. The worst in my life have already came, so I think its possible to go through it. During these few hours pass memories have been flashing back and Im taking out every single thing you gave me to look at which even makes me cry more. Those chatlogs, those sweet conversation we used to have. =(((((




sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
err to kx. I think HE* told you his problems. and you never tell me anything even i asked you. Its okay, I think you should know who am I referring to. Sorry for creating so much problems for you. I understand you doesnt want to tell, you have your own choice also. Its okay.

Thanks to: zijie, pang, qiu yi, choon yan, calvin, yu ling, priscilla, lay koon, nic, kok boon, ming kai, guang kai, my sista, jing hao, albert.

thanks for asking me not to be sad, to stand up to be strong. and wasting all your time in consoling me.
Albert, thanks for saying all those things that we all know it wont happen. I will be alright I guess. but I can tell you Im still crying.




I miss the days you called me darling, the sweet things youve done for me, the huggs.
The swwet conversation we used to have. Do you feel anything?Im trying to act as if Im okay infront of my familes. daRrr I wanted you back so terrible . . . but yet I cant. you always think you cant give me happiness and only make me suffer, but I actually feel so blessed being with you. I missed you. yet, Im the one who cause everthing, I should have believed you that youre not like any other guys. I regret of not trusting you at first. always only know how to gte jealous. never thought of your feelings. You trusted me alot I know. Im sorry.... you said that youre not like anyother guys you would want long long r/s and you said that got any problems you will find solutions and not to break....... haiii.......................I said all this not to gain any pity. Im just sad I want to type out everything...